For Miss Amelia Katarzyna P

This is for a very sweet little girl who was born just 5 days after Caelyn. It is amazing how many people I have met just from being a mom. Jen and I talked about our stranger phobia girls quiet a few times but while our schedules haven't allowed us to get them together, I still hold hope that soon we will.

I always thought the March of Dimes was a great organization, but it definitely
holds a special place in my heart since our own brush with a premature
birth.
My EDD was 10/3/08. Starting around 31 weeks, I just felt my
body was getting ready for labor. My OB thought I was being overly
sensitive (and probably one of those neurotic pregnant women!). My blood
pressure was always fine, I was constantly measuring right along with my due
date. No real "signs", just all mother's intuition I suppose.
My 35
week appointment was on a Wednesday. My last day of work was that
Friday. That evening, Alex & I went to a furniture warehouse sale with
my parents and bought a dining room table (we had just moved into our condo the
weekend before). Saturday, we ordered a crib from Babies R Us. We
had my parents over for dinner on Sunday. All evening I had
contractions...I thought they were BH. I ate a chocolate pudding cup
around 8 pm and went to bed shortly after.
I woke up around 1:30 am with
terrible back pain. I went to the bathroom, got back in bed, and the pain
wasn't getting any better. I didn't really feel contractions, but noticed
the back pain was kind of coming and going so I tried timing my back
pains. I couldn't focus, so I woke Alex. Sure enough - 5 minutes
apart. I called the exchange, grabbed my bag and headed to the
hospital.
I wasn't in excruciating pain, just uncomfortable. I
even walked myself to L&D and to the exam room (and the L&D room, for
that matter). Upon examination, I was told I was already 4-5 cm
dilated. I expected to be sent home, but was admitted and was told I would
have my baby that day.
During labor, I was told my baby would be a late-term
preemie. Since she was born at 36 and 37 weeks is considered "full term"
(but it's really not, so I won't even get into that), we weren't sure if there
would be any problems. There would be a NICU doctor in the room when my
baby was born to examine her.
Amelia Katarzyna was born at 8:24 pm on
September 8, 2008. Fortunately, she was perfect and didn't need to spend
any time in the NICU. She had feeding issues, but that was it.
We are
extremely lucky that Amelia was born so healthy. Unfortunately, far too
many babies are born early. And far too many of those babies require
special attention because of health problems.
It would make a huge difference
in the lives of children if everyone took a minute out of their day to donate to
the March of Dimes. It would mean a lot to us, and to Amelia.
Thank you!

In Honor Of Robert M. Cox

Trish and I were pregnant at the same time. She was due just 5 days before I was with Caelyn. It was her first and my second, but I felt like there was something special because I knew someone who was just as pregnant as I was. We were at the same steps at the same exact time. But there was a huge difference, Trish and David struggled to get their little miracle while Dave and I did not. Trish unfortunately had problems throughout the pregnancy, I did not. But I still felt this connection with her because we were pregnant at the same time. I hope you enjoy this little snippet about Robbie.



November is Prematurity Awareness month. November 17 is Prematurity Awareness Day.

The March of Dimes has asked that those of us who blog to write about how prematurity has affected us in honor of the day. As the MoD and their research is responsible in large part for Robbie's life, I could hardly say no.

To many people, a preemie is just a small baby. During our 96 days in the NICU, if I had a dollar for every person who asked "So when he's four pounds he can come home, right?" we'd be, well, more financially sound. Unfortunately it isn't so simple. Size is the least of the problems that face a preemie, particularly those as small and early as Robbie.

Robbie was born 14 weeks early. Those 14 weeks cheated him of time for his brain, gut, eyes and lungs to develop. When they pulled him from me, he didn't cry. His APGAR score was 3. We were incredibly blessed that he roused reasonably easily and "pinked up" meaning that oxygen was finally nourishing his body.

When they brought him to me for a brief kiss before whisking him to the NICU, he could only open one eye. I wouldn’t see Robbie again for many hours. Robbie's NICU friend Gavin, born 2 days earlier than Robbie, still had fused eyelids when he was born. He wouldn't see his mom for another few days because his eyes literally weren't ready to do so yet.
We wouldn't hold our children for days, sometimes weeks. Robbie was 5 days old before I was able to hold him. And it took two highly skilled nurses to situate him on my chest. It was the happiest day of my life. I was able to hold my son for nearly an hour, just sitting still, finally able to feel his skin on mine.

The next day his father would hold him for the first time. After spending 30 minutes on his dad's chest, Robbie started "acting funny." He was so tiny that he couldn't maintain his temperature and became ill with a condition called "cold stress." Something as simple as holding our own child could put him in peril. Fortunately the quick thinking and attention of a veteran nurse saved the situation from becoming dire.


Robbie's brain was too immature to remember to breathe all the time, his lungs too underdeveloped to process oxygen properly. His muscles were too weak to take a breath deep enough to breathe oxygen in and carbon dioxide out. He was incubated – a breathing tube threaded into his esophagus & to his lungs, delivering life saving breaths. He was hooked up to leads; three on his chest to track his respirations & heart rate. They were moved daily to try to keep his skin from breaking down under them. It was too thin and fragile to handle for long the sticky gel that kept them attached. He was given an IV in his umbilical stump. He had another lead wrapped around his foot to measure his oxygen saturation.

The oxygen saturation was the number we would come to love and hate. For many weeks, it would cycle sometimes twice per minute, alarming if it got too high and again when it got too low. We NICU parents would stare at that number all day long. In the "real world" an oxygen saturation below 95 is cause for concern. In a neonate, they'll accept 80. Many, many times it was much lower than that. We prayed his brain would be able to overcome it. His brain and his body wasn't mature enough to care for itself yet.

This dance was normal in the NICU. When we asked how Robbie was doing, we heard "normal preemie stuff." No matter how abnormal it felt, it's what every preemie experienced.

There were other things, too, of course. Infections in the lungs from the tube shoved into them, blood in the stool because his intestines weren't prepared to work yet, central lines to administer drugs & nutrition before his stomach could handle actual food.

Suffice it to say that the NICU was no picnic for a baby meant to still be floating in the dark and quiet of the womb.

Prematurity stole more than just a normal life for Robbie. It stole much from us as parents, from me as a mother. In the hours before Robbie was born, I wrote as much as I could. I was heavily drugged and afraid I wouldn’t remember things clearly, so I wrote blindly, unable to even focus my eyes on a screen. I wrote about feeling cheated. We didn't yet know Robbie was a boy and had taken to calling him Tater in honor of a particularly delicious baked potato I got from the hospital.

I feel cheated.
Yes, cheated. I haven't even made the
3rd trimester yet. I was just getting to the point of being able to identify
what parts of what were jabbing me where. Just learning my Tater's habits. Tater
likes icing. Prefers white butter cream. Tater is unimpressed by apple juice and
won't kick for that. Tater is not a morning baby. Tater doesn't like it when
mommy cries. What else would I have known in the next 3 months?

I will
be cheated of the announcement; "It's a _______."

I am in a labor and
delivery room, and the table where most babies are set for their welcome to the
world sits in the corner taunting me. I suggested putting the flowers that came
today on it. It may as well be used for something.

I am cheated of
looking pregnant. The maternity clothes I finally ordered will be returned
unopened.
Oddly enough, I don't feel the jinx guilt I thought I would. I
think of the outfit that David brought home from Vegas and instead of thinking
that we jinxed ourselves, I think of the relief I feel that at least we had
bought the baby SOMETHING.

I had a melt down yesterday because we have
nothing for the baby, but quickly melted a different direction because it
doesn't matter that we have nothing for the baby because the baby isn't coming
home for months anyway.

I am cheated of a baby laying on my chest,
still covered in grossness and full of beauty.

I am cheated at true
breast feeding, though I will pump for the NICU. They encourage it and I'm glad
to serve some purpose.

I have been cheated of stupid things like my
child birth class, and breast feeding class and hospital tour. All of which
would have been wasted since I will never labor, will pump and won’t even
deliver at the hospital we had planned on anyway.

I'm cheated of packing
a hospital bag. Of arranging care for my animals. Of taking a shower before I
went to the hospital. Of being able to lay on my side (the fetal monitor doesn't
like that).

I'm cheated of holding my husband's hand as I push our baby
out. Of seeing the look on his face when I finally make him a father.

It's 5am in the hospital on a day when it's entirely possible that I may
give birth to our child and instead of being filled with excitement & giddy
nervousness, I'm filled with dread & fear.

Robbie was born 6 hours after I typed those words.

Of course, we now know that we were blessed with so much more than we were cheated out of. And the NICU wasn't all bad. While it certainly was the scariest thing I've ever experienced, I found much support there. The parents there became some of the best friends I could know. The doctors & nurses truly rooted for our children in a way that few experience.

And along the way, miracles occurred. Within minutes of Robbie's birth, he was given a dose of surfactant. It was developed by the March of Dimes and allowed his lungs to expand. He would receive a second dose later. Both times, his lungs capacity was transformed. The medicines and procedures that tortured him also saved him. We saw babies crash and be resuscitated, only to go home a few weeks later. We saw babies wheeled out for their good-byes only to be back in their isolate homes the next day. We saw babies survive the unthinkable and not just survive, but thrive.

One of the first days that Robbie was there, I remarked to David that I could feel God's presence around me. I could angel's wings on the backs of the nurses. Miracles occurred there.

So on this day, I ask for your awareness. Please be aware that the March of Dimes saves lives. It saved Robbie's. Be aware that not every child does survive and we need to do more. Know that not every child gets to go home. If you can spare it, make a donation. There is a badge below to give in Robbie’s name. Be aware of the struggles that the neonatologists, NICU nurses, parents and premature babies go through. Be aware that miracles happen every day. I know. I live with one.

--Trish

Photography

So I really have been trying to get a feel for my camera. I even joined a photography forum called Clickin Moms. There is so much information there it is overwhelming. I have been working on using the camera on it's manual modes and setting everything myself, but I still use the auto mode when out and about with the girls. I hope one day I will be fast enough to use the manual mode all the time because I do feel I have more control. But right now I am going to show you some of my practice shots.

These first two were taking during Chloe's gymnastics class. I was working on different focus points. They are of the same area, I just focused differently for the two shots.

These next ones were just fun shots I took while we were at the Great Godfrey Corn Maze. I was just having fun messing around with my camera.

This last one was taking only because I saw this spot and thought the framing was cool.

Trick or Treating

This was the second year Chloe truly trick or treated it was alot of fun for all of us. I can't wait until next year when Caelyn can really participate as well. Like last year, we went into my parent's subdivision to Trick or Treat. We just don't have alot of younger families by us on our street. I do feel bad because there are some kids that come around, but there are at least double the kids at my parents' subdivision.

Halloween Playdate

We had a playdate at our friends the Reininger's house for Halloween. It was alot of fun and there were lots of people there. Chloe decided she wanted to be the Woodland Fairy Aunt Lisa made her, so that is what she was this day. There was lots of playing, food, and activities. Chloe made a Ghost (which we left there) and a candy apple. She always loves being around her friends and making new ones.

Carmel Apples

I made for the first time carmel apples. I decided to give them out at Halloween gifts to some friends. I hear though they got soft (or as my mom said. "turned to mush) alittle too fast which makes me sad, but I had fun. Next year, I wil buy two bags of carmel.

LECE School Halloween

Chloe's school had their annual Halloween parade and party on Oct 29th. Chloe was a doctor for her school party (and what she was "suppose to be for Halloween, but she had other plans). The parade is where all part day classes meet in the Action Room, sing songs, parade their costumes off, and the LECE staff puts on a Halloween themed play. It is a good time for the parents and kids. Caelyn so badly wanted to join in the fun, next year she will be able too. The party was a success as well. I volunteered to chair it this year and had a good time putting it together and getting to know the new mom's in this year's class. We had a trail mix snack (popcorn, pretzels and candy), a ghost craft, and 2 games (Pin the Nose on the Pumpkin and Darts). I think the kids had a lot of fun and I had alot of parents comment about how fun the party was. Like last year we learned about how the kids do with the party and know what to change for the next one.

St. Louis Boo at the Zoo Nights

The St. Louis Zoo holds some Halloween themed events during this time of year. They do a Boo at the Zoo on October 24 and they offer night events through out the month of October until Halloween. It is a kid friendly experience to see the zoo at night. While there wasn't a whole lot to do, we still had alot of fun and I learned that I need so much practice with night shots.

2009 Pumpkin Carving

This year, we only carved 2 pumpkins, a shock I know. We normally average about 5 but we had to cut back cause things are tight. So this year, Dave and Chloe picked a pumpkin together and Caelyn and I picked one. Last year Chloe participated, but this year she did alot more than she ever has. I think her favorite part though it so remove the "guts" of the pumpkin. Dave and I wear gloves, but Chloe dug right in with her bare hands. Oh, someone is missing. Who could that be? Well Caelyn really had no interest in the pumpkins so with the help of Aunt Cindy she was entertained while Dave, Chloe, and I carved. Oh, you wanna know what Caelyn was doing, well she was looking extremely cute, that is what she was doing.

Because I picked such a small pumpkin, I had to hand draw my design on there. And of course, nothing fancy would fit so I just did the traditional jack-o-lantern face. Dave and Chloe on the other hand had a nice sized pumpkin and choose a witch for their design.

Chloe did start to get alittle board so she did play with Cindy and Caelyn (and rode her bike inside the garage). But we also let her cut the pumpkin as well. She had alot of fun using the knife and making her cuts (on the backside of course, Dave didn't want her to ruin the design). She really enjoyed carving and I think next year we will be getting her a small one like I had to cut herself. Here Chloe is being such a big girl carving her own pumpkin. She loved using the knife and we actually had to take it away cause she didn't want to put it down. But don't worry, a few years back we bought a kid proof kit so the knives in the kit were not dangerous sharp, they were very rounded so they couldn't actually poke you and hurt.

We had a lot of fun carving our pumpkins and enjoy that each year Chloe gets more and more interested in doing it. I can't wait for both girls to be excited about carving their own pumpkins. Soon we will have 4 pumpkins carved, one for each of us!!

Eckert's Farm in Milstadt

Normally we head right down the road to Stuckmeyers Farm to get out pumpkins. This year we decided to try another farm and we are so glad we did. We went to Eckert's in Milstadt. This is the Eckerts that does charge you to get in, but all the "activities" are free once your inside (with a few exceptions but nothing major). There was so much more for the girls to do and Dave and I enjoyed watching them play.

The first thing we did once we got there was watched the pumpkin launcher. Chloe was fascinated by this thing. They first demonstrated how it work with just one pumpkin. Then they called kids from the audience to help clean, prep, and load the launcher. Then the count down began, and boom!!! The pumpkin shot out of the cannon and soured through the air until it hit the ground scattering into many pieces.

We then headed out to the pumpkin patch. You could also pick apples, but we didn't want to take a chance of the rain moving in since we went on the only day it had not rained in almost a week. Next year I think we will for sure pick some apples. We rode a wagon to the field and the search for the perfect pumpkin began.

After we found the perfect pumpkin we came back to let the girls play. There was a playground, swings, tea cups, horses, a fun house, bike track, mini golf, and so much more to do. They even have karaoke there that day. It was funny to hear the little girls sing, no boys were brave enough to get up there so we heard many Taylor Swift, Demi Lavato, and Miley Cyrus songs. Chloe would not get up there to sing, but she was singing right along with the girls while playing.